By I. M. Pulkina, P.S. Kuznetsov
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Masturbation is basically a comfort blanket for grown-ups, reminding us that a tiny part of that teenage lust for sex is still with us. And with maturity comes the realisation that nobody does it better for you than you! Nobody Understands Me It’s not easy being a teenager – your body’s going through loads of really weird changes, at a time when you’re desperate to appear irresistible to the opposite sex. You feel completely alienated towards pretty much everybody and think you’re the only one who knows what it truly means to be completely miserable.
Well, the quiz you’ve just done is fine for revealing superficial similarities between you now and you with spots back then. But teen angst never really goes away; it just masquerades as adult misery. All those tortured famous people rattling around in The Priory aren’t really dealing with addiction issues or nervous breakdowns. They’re still trying to come to terms with the fact that when they were a teenager they were fat, ugly and unloved. Such demons are not exclusive to the rich and famous.
You can’t remember when you last washed your bed linen. ❑ You have bought an Indian meal for one from the supermarket in the past month. ❑ You would not allow people to see your underwear. ❑ Your toenails need cutting. ❑ You can no longer see your kitchen bin for all the rubbish. ❑ You’re on first name terms with the pizza-delivery man. 51 An Idiot’s Guide to Sex ❑ ❑ You watch the Family Affairs omnibus on a Sunday. The kernels from the facial scrub you gave yourself last week still line the sink.